Moments of a Lifetime

With the theme of my friends blog being "moving" …. it’s time for me to try something similar ….

In the process of migrating this blog to wordpress. Let’s see how that works out. Check it out: http://munchee.wordpress.com/

Looks like a full moon tonight, it’s shining brightly to the long road of separation of a couple of dear friends. Has it only been a week since a friend left us? Yet another are about to leave. This body still feel their warmth as we hug and say goodbye, the hands still remember the long hold as if time stopped for eternity, and the heart ache from another blow of distance separation. I sipped through this glass of wine, so it will cleanse the wound of the heart and washed its tears, and perhaps soothe the swell of pain. It’s not working, though I’ve already kinda expected it not to.

Has it always been this hard? I guess it has been, though time heals it up. All I can do now is pray for their long road ahead to be full of happiness & joy. As I lay here gazing, bracing for the next goodbye that’s most likely to come soon, and will be the hardest one.

But for now, farewell dear friends. I pray that your road ahead will be bright and full of happiness, as I’m counting the seconds of our next encounter.

I feel like blogging, but have nothing to say that should be seen publicly …
so, forgive the irrelevancy of the post in any kind of ways whatsoever ….

Personal Milestones (approximate):

Thursday, August 23, 2007 — Elliptical Machine
Precor
Program: Cross Training, Lv. 6
30 minutes + 5 minutes cool down
4531 strides + 700 strides
431 calories + 60 calories
3.21 miles + 0.5 miles

Friday, August 24, 2007 — Elliptical Machine
Life Fitness
Prgoram: Cardio, Lv. 3
30 minutes + 5 minutes cool down
Heart rate average: 170
RPM average: 75
460 calories + 40 calories
3.13 miles + 0.5 miles

Monday, August 27, 2007 — Elliptical Machine
Precor
Program: Interval, Lv. 8 - 11
30 minutes + 5 minutes cool down
4840 strides + 700 strides
412 calories + 60 calories
3.42 miles + 0.5 miles

my knee hurts ….

It’s a soundtrack of a Japanese movie: Tada, Kimi wo Aishiteru. Haven’t watch the movie, but the title of the movie gets my immediate attention.

恋愛写真 - Photograph of Love -

Japanese:

碧々とした　夜空の下で

あなたが見てた　後ろ恋姿

時折見せる　無邪気な寝顔

あたしが見てた　恋しい姿

どんなひとときもすべて

忘れないように

夢中でシャッター切るあたしの心は

切ない幸せだった

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

ただそれだけでよかったのに

雨降る時の　交わしたキスは

つながれてゆく　2人の姿

一生にもうないこのキモチ

うまく言えないけど

あなたに出会ってあたしの毎日は

キラキラと輝いたよ

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

あなたがくれた幸せよ

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

「ただ、君を愛してる」

ただそれだけでよかったのに

小さな部屋に飾られている

2人の笑顔　恋愛写真

Romaji:

aoao to shita yozora no shita de

anata ga miteta ushiro koi sugata

tokiori miseru mujaki na negao

atashi ga miteta koishii sugata

donna hitotoki mo subete

wasure nai you ni

muchuu de shattaa kiru atashi no kokoro wa

setsunai shiawase daata

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada sore dake de yokatta noni

ame furu toki no kawashi ta kisu wa

tsunaga re te yuku futari no sugata

isshou ni mou nai kono kimochi

umaku ie nai kedo

anata ni deatte atashi no mainichi wa

kirakira to kagayai ta yo

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

anata ga kure ta shiawase yo

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada kimi wo aishiteru

tada sore dake de yokatta no ni

chiisana heya ni kazara re te iru

futari no egao renai shashin

Translation:

Under the green night sky

You saw the back of love

Sometimes you show your innocent sleeping face

And I saw your dear appearance

No matter what

I can’t forget everything

In dreams, the shutter of my heart turns off

In painful bliss

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

However I’m glad even if that’s all it is

The kiss we exchanged when it was raining

Ties the both of us together

This feeling will not last my entire life

I can’t explain it well, but

After meeting with you, every day of my life

Has shone brightly

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

You gave me happiness

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

However, I still love you

However I’m glad even if that’s all it is

Decorating this tiny room

Are 2 smiling faces—a photo of love

"Rather than to love each other, you should understand each other.

If someone else can give that person greater happiness than you, that’s where you will send him/her."

– Jin Yuan - Chinese Paladin, Eps. 11

Just for a few minutes, let me catch my breath …. and so I thought … I met my goal today, 10 miles, not too bad. Stepped off the recumbent bike, trying to forget this lingering pains on my knees, the ones that never go away anymore, the same ones that I’ve been adapting too and trying to ignore for a long time. The same moment where I tried not to think about all the migraines and the sharp pain in my chest. I’m drenched, catching my breath as I put the bottle of water in my mouth letting some of the chilled water running down my chest … I just want to sit and do nothing.

When did it get so dark? The winds have been shaking the walls of my house, blowing through the leaves and branches on the backyard bending them over. And so are lightings calling one another, shouting out thunderous sounds between the clouds that are curtaining the shy sun. When did it start? I didn’t even notice. Hmmm ….

I put packs of ice on my knees, getting things ready for dinner. Glanced through the window as water started to pour down from the sky as if tears of heaven starts to fall down. Would you cry for me? Would you let your tears run down, washing down the place I am standing at? Would you cry for the things that I can’t? So this smile can stay in my face as I hide behind your tears for the love I’ll never have, for the passion that was taken away from me, for the pain that will never go away? So your tears washes mine as I give up my passion and built the strength to carry on. So your tears refreshes my soul as I rest it up for the next journey ahead. So the water washes away any trace I’ve left behind and cleaned up the path before me.

The rain keeps coming down with nothing that can stop it. As if the sky is crying so hard. In this beautiful night, the tears of heaven falls down, as I rested my body after a long hot shower. I tucked myself in, closed my eyes, and perhaps I will dream of happiness and hoping to wake up to another beautiful day tomorrow …

Still can’t believe that this was true, still thinking it was my fever is giving me some hallucinations. But it’s true, the email was there, and it has exactly what was written there. I wasn’t hallucinating. A friend has left us all. A heart attack. He went to the same high school as I did. We didn’t hang out that much, but I know him as a friend. We talked, we laughed, we hung out, we were friend. And now he’s returned next to our Father in heaven. I don’t remember much about him other than his sincere smiles, his kindness, his open heart, and his laugh which always seemed to be in his face.

Just when you think you have everything under control, things can sneak up on you and go out of hand just like that. His passing away made me think about a lot of things that I’ve been delaying for a long time, the things I should have done a long time ago. I was thrown back hard to reality in an instance. My frozen cage of time has just been shattered and suddenly I was pushed forward to the present that I have been ignoring. The time to move on has been past due for years. The hope I’ve been clinging on all this time is nothing but yet another fantasy, though I’ve always know that it is. But I kept delaying and delaying, hoping that there is still a glance of hope that just might get bigger. The lies whispers do nothing more than being deceitful. Time do run out, and I may have just been burning mine for nothing, for a chance to cling to hope that never exists in the first place.

Farewell my dear friend, even as you leave you’ve teach me a lesson. Nothing less from you from what I remember. Give me strength to step forward and lift my feet from this piles of stones that I put on top of them, and perhaps I will learn to live without lies and found a reality beyond just hope.

For you being who you are … you will be missed here in this world ….

What do you do next? When you’ve done everything and it’s still not enough? What do you do …. Wakaranai …

Will & Wisdom …. don’t you think those two are the most important thing to live life? For as long as the heart is still beating, I think everyone still have choices. It takes wisdom to pick the best out of them, and it takes will to follow it through.

Forgiveness, patience, faith, and anything else that I can think of, are some form of wisdom and will. Every second of my life, I have the choices to forgive or to have revenge, to be patience or to be mad, to be faithful or to cheat, and all other choices at every second of my life. It takes wisdom to pick the ones best for me, and it takes will to actually do it. I do not claim to have wisdom, though I should have at least some experience of my previous choices and consequences to based my choice on, which somewhat is a form of very basic wisdom, I think :P.

What about love? A priest once said love is a choice. You don’t wake up in the morning feeling in love, it’s a conscious decision that you make every second and you do it. I guess one would argue, what does a priest know about love. Well, isn’t it a lot? It’s easier for us to love someone or something that we can actually sense with our senses, right? Compared that to the the love to God, that you just have to believe exist and have faith on. Isn’t that more incredible than humanly love? Well, at least I think it is, to be so unconditionally decide to love for the rest of his life. So, take your wisdom to choose who or what to love, and take your will to love.

Perhaps it’s just a naive way looking at life, and it certainly is just personal point of view. Perhaps I know nothing of a lot of thing, but I still think those are the most important things in life, at least in mine ….. well … for the moment anyway. What works for you? You decide ^_^

Full credit to: Metrolyrics

I’ve been living with a shadow overhead
I’ve been sleeping with a cloud above my bed
I’ve been lonely for so long
Trapped in the past, I just can’t seem to move on

There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real
Or if anybody feels the way I feel
I need inspiration
Not just another negotiation

        All I wanna do is find a way back into love
        I can’t make it through without a way back into love
        And if I open my heart to you
        I’m hoping you’ll show me what to do
        And if you help me to start again
        You know that I’ll be there for you in the end